I cannot believe I have 58 more days of this to go. Even minus the rest days, I’m already having a VERY hard time. Still, I know part of that is because the last couple days have been full of adversity. I’ve been getting hit on all sides: from my son’s mother, from my own mom…even from an ex I haven’t talked to in ten years! Granted, that last one is easy enough to avoid (since she lives in Oklahoma), but it is a different story for the other two. Lately I’ve been trying my hardest to follow the advice from Shu and everyone else to weed all the negativity out of my life…but what do I do when the two biggest sources of negativity are ones I CAN’T avoid interacting with?
There are some days that are so full of madness that you can’t wait to get to tomorrow, but this is the kind of BS that is going to follow me for the rest of my life. Sometimes I wonder how I even manage to lift my head off the pillow in the morning. Deep down inside…somehow, somewhere…I find the will to push on instead of give up. I’m counting on that will to help me through Insanity as well as these personal disputes, and the ability to push through one will help me get through the other…back and forth, back and forth, with one side feeding the other in a never-ending loop. At least, that is what I hope for.