Today was day 28, a rest day from Rev Abs. It was also my first day of training (or should I say “retraining”) at Vanderheyden Hall. Because I don’t have a lot of vacation time saved up, I took only part of the day off from my state job, so I went in for three hours of my shift. I really hate going there, more than any amount of words could express. This hatred was only compounded when I was told about things a particular coworker was saying about me that, if they had come from anyone else, would have been par for the course. However, this was someone who had once acted like a friend toward me…someone who I thought of as the kind of person who would go to bat for me when upper management was riding on me about some BS complaint. What was said? Something along the lines of, “Nobody likes this fool. There’s something wrong with him.”
Something wrong with me? Why? Because I am shy? Because I am into things very few people are…like writing, martial arts, and Team Beachbody? I guess I was just raised different because to me one of the most wonderful things about life is meeting people who are into things that YOU aren’t! Yes, VARIETY!!!
One of my coworkers (probably the only one I can trust) said, “Well you know what it is? You don’t talk much, and you hardly make eye contact. So to them, they take that as a sign that you think you’re better than them.” Okay, then they are fucking idiots! Do you honestly think I’m going to believe these people have NEVER heard of the definition of the word “shy” before?
What makes no sense to me is this: okay, I am considered “weird” because I am so into writing…but this person is an avid reader. Doesn’t she realize that someone had to WRITE those books she enjoys so much? But has she ever labelled her favorite authors as “weirdos?” I bet not…but then again, the difference between me and those authors is that they get PAID for their writing, whereas I’m just some lowly grade 6 loser who writes on his lunch break. Someone needs to take the time to point out to her that EVERY AUTHOR WAS IN MY POSITION AT ONE POINT!!! JK Rowling was on frickin’ welfare. Stephen King toiled away as a teacher during the day, hammering out short story after short story at night. Funny how they don’t think writing is “weird” when you make big money doing it.
I can’t wait until this zombie comic of ours hits the web. They all probably talk about what an idiot I am because I always talk about this story, but it’s okay. Once it gets out there and takes off, they will finally shut their mouths.
Then again, maybe that WON’T happen. I have to prepare myself for that likelihood. They may go online to read it and, even if they DO think it’s good, they won’t be able to admit it. They’ll say, “Grogan went on for all these months…about THIS shitty story?” Even if this thing wound up making me rich (to the point where I could go in and tell my boss “YOU’RE fired!!!”), they still wouldn’t give me any credit. Their rationalization would probably be, “Wow, I guess you can make money doing anything…even writing bad comics.” They’ll do anything to tear down any accomplishment I have, now that they have it in their heads (for reasons they don’t even understand) that they don’t like me. Well, fuck them. I’m not doing it for THEIR approval (or anyone else’s, for that matter). I am way past the point in my life where I need a parent or parent substitute to pat me on the head and tell me I did a good job.
Still, I have to be honest here: when there are so many people against me, it does make me wonder, “Is there really something wrong with me?” But you know what? I’ve analyzed the situation over and over…and I really don’t see what qualities there are about me that deserve so much disdain. So when it comes to that crummy office where I work, I honestly can say it’s the REST of them that are insane…not me.
Again, like I said, I let it go over my head when MOST people talk bad about me there. But this two-face behavior…acting like you are my friend to get me to open up so that you can use what you learn about me to BACK STAB me later…well, that isn’t something I can shrug off as easily.
But it WILL be easy to shrug off when either the comic, Beachbody, or some other opportunity comes along to yank me out of that shit hole and leave the rest of them there still wallowing in their misery.