I had a very bizarre dream last night that my old friend J (the one I wrote that series of blogs about) had committed suicide, or at least I thought he did.
It started out normal enough. My wife and I were visiting my mother. Somehow one of us got talking about J, and I said, “You know, I haven’t heard from him in a while. I know he planned on going to see Soundgarden last weekend, so you’d think he would have called or emailed me to tell me all about it. I’m going to go check on him.” (When this dream started, I already possessed the knowledge that J lived upstairs from my mom, which is weird because that is where *I* currently live!)
I went up the back stairs and into the kitchen. There, seated at the kitchen table, was none other than Chris Cornell (lead singer of Soundgarden.) For some reason I didn’t think it was the least bit bizarre for him to be there. Thinking that he was unresponsive simply because he had partied too hard, I draped Chris over my shoulders and carried him downstairs. (At this point I hadn’t bothered to even look at his face too closely.)
I walked into my mom’s house and placed Chris in a chair. I said to my wife and mom, “Look who we have here…Chris Cornell from Soundgarden!” Both my wife and mom grimaced. I was confused by their reaction. Then my wife said, “Steve, take a good look at him. He’s dead.” And sure enough, he was.
Having realized this, one question immediately came to mind: if J were all right up there, would he be okay with leaving a corpse at his kitchen table? Of course not! So I ran back upstairs to find him, but the rest of the house was empty. There weren’t even any signs of what might have happened to him.
At some point in the dream there was a bizarre shift in exactly where J was located because, as I said before, it seemed like he lived above my mom. However, when I started trying to locate him, I found it difficult because he was in Colorado and I was in New York.
I remember trying to call his old home number and getting some government office. (Not sure if it was federal, state, or county.) It’s hard to say because I don’t remember the woman who answered the phone ever identifying what office they were. All I know is the first thing I did was ask for J. The woman proceeded to ask for information from me as if it was a routine call, completely ignoring my question. She said, “Okay, sir, I have your phone number as 518-XXX-XXXX.” I confirmed it. Then she said, “Can I have your driver’s license number?” I said, “What the hell do you need that for? I just want to talk to J!” There was a moment of silence. Then her supervisor came on the phone. She asked me what I was calling about. I said, “The first thing I said to your employee when I called was, ‘Can I speak to J?’ This is my friend’s old home phone number. What is so hard to understand about that?” The supervisor apologized and said it was their number now, still not identifying who “they” were.
That phone call is the last detail of the dream that has remained clear to me. Right now it is 8:44am; I woke up about an hour ago, and some of the events have already started to fade. I know it continued beyond what I remember, but I don’t recall what happened. There was something to do with talking to my wife about what was going on and still trying to figure out some way to discover what had really happened to J.
The most puzzling part is why I would even have this dream. I mean, J WAS a big part of my life for a long time, but I don’t really consider him a friend anymore. If he were to disappear like that, then I would certainly want to know what happened…should someone ELSE find out, but I wouldn’t go on the manhunt for him myself.
There is only one other thing I can think of: maybe it is a reflection of some guilt I do actually feel over abandoning the guy, knowing I’m pretty much the only friend he talks to on a regular basis…but you know something? The frustration he brings to my life FAR OUTWEIGHS the guilt I feel if I don’t.
Well, having said that, I have put this blog here as an open invitation for anyone who reads it to send me their thoughts. Granted, you don’t know my entire history with J. I’m not sure how much that would impact one’s interpretation anyway. However, if you feel the need for more details, drop me a line.
And oh yeah: why the hell would Chris Cornell be dead at J’s kitchen table? LOL