The last day of phase one! I thought it would never get here. This has been a fun ride so far. Not quite what I expected in some parts, but more or less another good Beachbody experience. I did sil lum tao for my cool down, and the first couple sections of biu jee during warm up.
It’s funny how being physically fit can change your mental fitness as well. Just the other day at work, somebody said something to me which, had they said it a year ago, I would have let it slide right on by. (Maybe the most I would have done was let an awkward silence hang in the air, then walk away.) However, the new Steve couldn’t let it happen. I didn’t give a damn if the other person started shouting at me…I had to let them know I didn’t appreciate what they said, and it was inappropriate. After making my feelings known, I walked away for a few minutes. When I headed past that coworker again, he actually APOLOGIZED to me! In reality I know this won’t always be the outcome. This little spat was with a coworker I normally get along with…just a misunderstanding of words. Still, it felt good that SOMEONE in that godforsaken place realized they had offended me and wanted to make amends.
Another strange side effect of all this: all these years, I have been a pretty big coward, unable to stand up for myself even when I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I was being wronged. Now I have enough of a sense of self-worth to speak up…and I’m finding that all these so-called tough guys and bullies melt away like vampires in sunlight once I say something to them! Man, it’s kind of a letdown. I don’t know what I expected, but I thought there would be more of a challenge than THIS. I feel kind of embarrassed for them, honestly. They walk around putting on such a show, but there is no backbone behind that bully mask. All these years I thought that was just a myth. I thought if someone acted that tough then there must be something to it, or otherwise they’ll wind up getting themselves fucked up a lot. But it’s TRUE: most bullies have no spine because they think their big, bad, loud behavior will be enough to scare everyone away…and to their credit, this DOES usually work.
But you know something? It’s not working for me anymore. People want to bully me by yelling at me, calling me names, threatening to beat me up, treating me like an idiot, treating me like I’m completely insignificant when it comes to being a father…but I’m DONE letting that happen. I already know it’s coming as a shock to some of these people (especially when it comes to the parental stuff) because they are used to me just laying down and taking it. You tell me I can’t get my daughters at 1:00PM instead of 4:00? Oh, okay…well, I won’t push it because I don’t want to make waves.
BULL SHIT!!! You know something? I WANT to make waves now. And I don’t mean I am going to go out of my way to ask for ridiculous things…I just want to finally be treated the way I deserve: with respect.
Anyway, phase one day. Now I get about four days of rest.