On Being Negative

The other day I was contacted by someone who is in a network marketing business. She was looking at my Facebook page and saw that I had studied Chinese. I explained that I didn’t remember much of it because the only way you keep a language is to keep using it, and I didn’t get much of a chance to. She asked why not, so I told her: the majority of kids in my Chinese class were in fact Chinese (who had signed up to get an easy A), and they were mostly from New York City. They had all gone to high school together, so college was like an extension of high school for them because they came up to Albany with all their cliques intact. It was very hard to make friends for me.

All of a sudden she says, “Okay, well I am trying to send you the link to my website, but I am not technically savvy enough to send it through Linked In.”

I said, “Then how would you normally send it?”

Out of nowhere she blows up and says, “You’re too negative, and I don’t want to work with you!”

She hung up, and I was stunned. I mean, really…all I did was tell her about the reality of why I didn’t hang on to the Chinese language. As I said above, SHE ASKED ME “WHY NOT?” Don’t get all pissy with me just because the answer I give you isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.

I hate those kind of people, and I couldn’t work with her anyway. Let’s all stick our heads in the sand! Yeah…because THAT will make your problems go away.

Reality check, folks: sometimes there are things in life that, by their very nature, are negative. (What if I had been a Holocaust victim? What if I had lost a child to SIDS? Would she have had the nerve to tell me I was too negative?) You don’t get anywhere by pulling the covers up over your head and hoping they go away.

All I did was give her the answer she asked for. If she couldn’t handle it, then fine. I have no problem with her running off and pretending she lives in Disneyland. As for me, I live in the real world where, every now and then, things go bad. And when they do, you HAVE to acknowledge them. How can you deal with them unless you say “yes, this is how the situation is, and it’s messed up?” Then you move on and say, “How do I fix it?”

That’s where the problem lies. Most people keep dwelling on the obstacle and never look to that next question. As for me, I already have my solution (which I also explained to the dingbat on the phone): it is true I wasted a lot of money on college learning a language I barely remember, but you know what? I can learn it again. There is that Rosetta Stone program (which I have heard is indeed legit), or I could even find local classes/people to help me.

Moral of the story: don’t label people as “too negative” simply because they talk to you about ONE NEGATIVE TOPIC. It’s idiotic, and not only that but it perpetuates the problem. Look at this ranting blog. If she hadn’t been so rude and judgmental, I wouldn’t have written anything like this today!


About Steve Grogan

I am 40 years old, divorced, and a father of four kids. I am a practitioner of a self-defense system called wing chun kung fu. My other hobbies include writing, playing guitar, reading, watching movies, and listening to music. Recently I have gotten back into fitness, and this time I am DETERMINED to get the washboard abs...whether my metabolism will cooperate with me or not! The purpose of this blog is to write not only about my hobbies, but also about whatever crosses my mind, whether it is something I don't understand or something that aggravates me. So join me as I indulge my tendency to think too much about topics that don't usually cross anyone else's mind!
This entry was posted in anger, article, introspection, judgmental, lesson, life, observation, off-topic, personal development, professionialism, random, rant, reflective, review, self-expression, Writing. Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to On Being Negative

  1. jacquiegum says:

    Ok…going out on a limb here, but just maybe it wasn’t about you! 🙂 Maybe she had a bad day, was frustrated beyond something she didn’t understand…sending you her link…and unfortunately you ere the brunt of her frustration. That’s not right, for sure…but it isn’t always person either.

    • wcman1976 says:

      Thanks for the comment.

      If she runs an online business, then she has to be SOMEWHAT internet savvy. I doubt it was frustration over not knowing how to send me the link. Okay, maybe she didn’t know how to send it through Linked In, but when I asked her “how do you normally send it to people,” that was when she blew up and said the negative remark.

  2. Bindhurani says:

    “How you normally send link to people” was not a negative question at all, IMHO.
    In a positive note, if that didn’t happened, this interesting post was not going to be possible. Was she upset because you cannot speak Chinese and she was expecting to communicate with you in that language???

    • wcman1976 says:

      Thanks for the comment.

      You misunderstood me. My question about how to send the link was not what she was calling “negative.” She was referring to my description of my experiences in my Chinese class.

      As for your second question…no, she spoke English so there is no reason she’d be upset about me not being able to speak Chinese.

  3. I have to tell you, I laughed out loud as I read this post. The story about not speaking Chinese didn’t strike me as negative. I never would have made the link between that topic and the train of thought that lead to her calling you negative. I have no idea why she called you negative…I wonder if she even knows why she called you negative…that’s why I laughed.

    If I had been writing this blog, I might have called it,”On Being Random.” 🙂

    • wcman1976 says:

      Thanks for the comment.

      From what people have written here, I see there is some misinterpretation going on.

      When she called me negative, she wasn’t referring to the fact that I can’t speak Chinese. She called me negative because of the story I went into as to WHY I didn’t hold on to it.

      Did anyone read the part about where I said my classmates weren’t friendly? LOL

      • I read it, it didn’t seem all that negative, it just sounded like high school. I mean high school isn’t exactly a bastion of open minded engagement. If the same people went on to be in college together, then their behaviours would have carried over. 🙂

        • wcman1976 says:

          Thank you! Nice to know someone else sees my point. All I did was explain why I didn’t hang on to the Chinese language much (my classmates weren’t friendly), and she jumped all over me!

  4. I’m totally a dweller, but am working on not being stuck so much in the past. A listener’s interpretation is always revealing. I personally don’t expect sunshine and rainbows out of life, so when I tell an honest story, it always amazes me how so many people take honesty for negativity… if that makes any sense.

    • wcman1976 says:

      Thanks for the comment.

      Yes, perhaps my story was “negative” in that talking about people being unfriendly isn’t positive, but hey…if that was the reality of my experience, there’s not a hell of a lot I can do about it!

  5. narayguy says:

    Forreal Steve, where were you last week? 🙂

    Guess it’s all about perspective here?

    Btw, you could take off the req to login to wordpress.com in order to comment. Did make me search for my password, but might be limiting discussion!!

    • wcman1976 says:

      Thanks for the comment.

      I’m not sure what you mean by “where were you last week.” Did you post something similar?

      Also, if I didn’t have the request to log in, then I’d be hit by a swarm of spam comments by some loser who keeps creating new emails to leave nasty remarks. I know it is the same person because of the IP address.

  6. Oksana Frewer says:

    Never mind! Maybe she is a mentally unstable lady, who knows, or just had a bad day. It wasn’t about you, she just told her problem out loud !

  7. Beth Niebuhr says:

    I try not to dwell on remarks from negative people. It saps my energy if I do. I just move on, especially if I don’t know the person.

    • wcman1976 says:

      Thanks for the comment, but that’s not the point of the article. The point is that you can’t accuse someone of being a negative person simply because you ask them a question, and the answer they give is negative. Sometimes the truth is negative.

      Let’s say your parents abuse you when you are a kid. When you grow up, someone asks you, “What was your childhood like?” Are you supposed to say it was wonderful? Are we supposed to censor ourselves and say everything is okay…when it isn’t? That sounds like a load of crap to me.

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