I don’t know about anyone else out there, but I cannot function in any part of my life when I am too self-conscious. There is a certain amount of this feeling you have to go through in order to get things moving, but after that you need to discard self-awareness and move forward. Let me give you examples:
*I am practicing wing chun. I have to be self-conscious enough to learn the techniques and perform them properly, but then I need to eliminate that feeling and get to a point where it comes natural. One sure-fire way to lose a fight is to start thinking!
*When I write a story, I have to be conscious of the layout at first. I have to be sure everything makes sense, that there are no major lapses in logic. However, once that is all ironed out, I should be able to just plow ahead.
*Music: song structure, what chords I use, and so on…working on these is all self-conscious. But once the song has been composed, it’s time to shift into the zone and STAY there. I can’t be on stage thinking, “Which chord and/or lyric comes next?’
*Interactions with other people: this can be VERY debilitating. I can’t stand feeling like I can’t be myself around someone. Whenever someone makes me feel this way, I cut ties. However, sometimes this isn’t always done so easily if the emotional investment is deeper than usual.
Fortunately I am in a position right now where I don’t really have any ties to anyone except family. If I want to sever every relationship in the world and sit home reading, writing and playing video games, I can. Lately I have been feeling like that might actually be the best thing for me. When I decide to come back to those relationships, the ones that were worth keeping will still be there. The ones that weren’t…won’t be.
I’ve got a lot to think about, and hardly any time to devote to it. But I will work it out. I mean, what other choice do I have???