Next Step?

Jerry has the revisions, and he is typing up a shooting script. The next step is to create a video for an IndieGoGo campaign, where we will attempt to raise funds for this movie. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him yet about what kind of video to make, or how, but that will happen in time.

That’s the next step for making BRUTAL, but I have no idea what to do for myself. Even though I just finished writing that story, it feels like it has been ages since I wrote anything. Can anyone make sense of that? Because I can’t!

In the days since I finished, I’ve felt aimless. When I go home at night, I just don’t know what to do with myself…so I call a friend over, and we usually wind up doing something pointless together. That is funny and ironic because the whole reason I call him up to hang out is because “pointless” is what I think of my life right now!

It’s hard to figure out what I want right now. I don’t want a string of one-night stands, nor do I want to jump right back into a committed relationship. I’d just like to hang out with new people as friends, but even that is proving to be hard. People can’t seem to comprehend this, and when I say “people,” I mean females. They hear I’m a divorced father of four, and they think I’m looking for a quick rebound bang, or a stepmom for the kids.

Well, it just doesn’t seem like happiness will be found through other people. I guess my only option is to do whatever makes me happy and hope that I come across the right people along the way. By “right people,” I mean those who understand me, not to mention those who believe me when I state my intentions!

Then again, look at the kinds of things that make me happy: writing, practicing wing chun, working out, playing guitar. Most of these activities are either done on my own (writing, working out, playing guitar) or expose me to a very limited number of people (wing chun). This ties into another part of my problem: the reason why it hurts me so much when a person decides to bail on me…is because that one person is probably the only new person I met for the last month or two! It’s a numbers game: if I met more people, then I wouldn’t care if one or two jumped ship for whatever reason.

These are the curve balls life has been throwing at me lately. I haven’t figured out how to deal with them yet, but I have faith that I will in time.

Oh, life…it’s bigger than you, and you are not me.


About Steve Grogan

I am 40 years old, divorced, and a father of four kids. I am a practitioner of a self-defense system called wing chun kung fu. My other hobbies include writing, playing guitar, reading, watching movies, and listening to music. Recently I have gotten back into fitness, and this time I am DETERMINED to get the washboard abs...whether my metabolism will cooperate with me or not! The purpose of this blog is to write not only about my hobbies, but also about whatever crosses my mind, whether it is something I don't understand or something that aggravates me. So join me as I indulge my tendency to think too much about topics that don't usually cross anyone else's mind!
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