Single Life and “the Void”

Some people said I was moving too fast when I started dating someone in September after separating from my wife shortly before that. That’s okay though. The people who said things like that are the ones who are usually looking for a way to feel good about themselves and/or superior to others. More often than not, they can’t find anything INSIDE themselves to accomplish this, so they look outside. And what better way to achieve their goal than to accuse someone of making a bad romantic judgment call? As of right now, those same people are having a field day because, while I was unclear whether or not I actually WAS exclusive with someone, I know I am definitely single again now.

I’m not getting into the reasons why it ended here. There is a bigger post break-up issue that I want to address: something I call “the void.” For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s an easy concept to understand: the emptiness you feel when you’re no longer coupled with another person. The void is crippling, debilitating. You will find yourself sitting around not knowing what to do with yourself, thinking about the one you’re no longer with, which we all know is beyond pointless because there usually is NO closure.

For years I’ve hypothesized that friends could fill this void, but it always seemed like the nights I’m at my worst are the same nights everyone else is busy! This meant only one thing: I had to get more friends. But how? I seem to have lost the ability to make new ones.

Then on Sunday night, one of my old friends invited me to a party that was being thrown by his church’s singles group. I thought, “Oh no, a setting where EVERYONE is single?” I was worried that I would feel pressured (by no one but myself, of course) to get someone’s number, talk to them, date them, put all my eggs in one basket, and wind up back in the same boat. Still, the other option was to sit home and stew about things, so I went.

And you know what? It didn’t turn out as bad as I thought it would. I realized it the second I went into the house. The place was packed, and immediately I thought to myself, “Damn, there’s a lot of people to meet here!”

Just like that, I was cured. I looked inside myself, and there was no void. All these years, I’d been right: more people to meet was the answer. I didn’t mope around the party dwelling on my ex-partner; I introduced myself to new people, discussed jobs and hobbies and so on, and had a great time.

New people is the key…LOTS of new people. I mean, even though I am sitting here at my computer and none of those people are here, I am still NOT feeling that void inside.

Next question: how do I find hordes of new people on my own, instead of relying on invitations from old friends???


About Steve Grogan

I am 40 years old, divorced, and a father of four kids. I am a practitioner of a self-defense system called wing chun kung fu. My other hobbies include writing, playing guitar, reading, watching movies, and listening to music. Recently I have gotten back into fitness, and this time I am DETERMINED to get the washboard abs...whether my metabolism will cooperate with me or not! The purpose of this blog is to write not only about my hobbies, but also about whatever crosses my mind, whether it is something I don't understand or something that aggravates me. So join me as I indulge my tendency to think too much about topics that don't usually cross anyone else's mind!
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