The Pickiness of the Heart

At the time I’m posting this blog, I don’t feel like doing a corresponding video for it. Who knows? Maybe my mindset will change later on today. For right now, it is what it is.

I’m not sure I should even bother with this article. It’s the same shit I’ve been dealing with (as EVERY human has) for years, and nothing I can say will change it.

I can’t explain why I care if THIS article makes a difference when I have written so many others without even worrying about it. Maybe I need to change my focus with this piece. Yes, how about I worry about making a change INWARD instead of OUTWARD? (To be honest, I didn’t achieve this revelation alone; that came courtesy of one of the loveliest women I have ever met who, to respect her privacy, will not be named here. However, she knows who she is.)

With that approach in mind, let’s see how this article goes.

There are a lot of silly, picky things humans do when it comes to the search for romance. Personally, I just don’t understand it. People whine and cry and beg for love and attention. Then when someone finally says “do you want to go out for coffee or something,” they say, “Ew…no thanks.”

Why is that? There are a couple quick, easy answers. Superficial bullshit and idealism are among them. People buy into the notion of the fairy tale romance. Their Prince Charming will be tall, handsome, intelligent and funny. (And oh yeah, “rich” often gets thrown into the mix too.) However, in reality when you get the latter two, you often DON’T get the former two. Why? Because short ugly guys spend a lot of time alone developing their minds. Plus we grow a sense of humor to cope with the pain of constant rejection.

The flip side is also often true: not many tall, handsome guys will crack you up or make you drop your jaw in awe of their wisdom. Not to stereotype, but the reason for this is they have no NEED to develop those things. All they have to do is walk in a room, and all the women will melt…and that ugly dude who spent hours trying to charm a woman with his personality will find all his time WASTED in the blink of an eye.

ASIDE: And before anyone says it…yes, I know that is a generalization, but it is based on my experience. After all let’s face it, my experience is the only one I know! Or at least it is the one I know best.

Too short, too tall, too fat, too hairy, too bald, too old, too young, too many or too little tattoos/piercings. You name it, and I bet someone objects to it.

Here’s a classic example of pickiness taken to ridiculous lengths: one time I went out with a woman and clicked unbelievably well. (I was 28 at the time.) At the end of the date, she told me she felt there was no chemistry. Normally I just let it go and say good day, but this time I had to know what the problem was.

I said, “We were getting along great the entire time. What’s the problem?”

“I know,” she said, “but you’re 28.”

I waited patiently for more. She volunteered nothing.

Finally, I said, “AND???????”

She said, “Well, my cutoff age is 26.”

This got under my skin for two reasons: (1) She knew I was 28 BEFORE we went out. (2) What difference does two years really make when you click so well? I mean, what are the odds she’d find a 26 year old with the same qualities as me? Don’t get me wrong: I am sure he’s out there, but it was highly unlikely he lived nearby. If you ask me, I think someone just wanted a free dinner.

However, there is one attitude toward romance that is HEAD AND SHOULDERS above all others in terms of its obnoxious quality. This phrase has recently been made popular again by a Selena Gomez song. You all know it, so sing it with me:


Gag me! Choke me! Beat me! Kill me! Dear LORD is this statement idiotic! This is the kind of answer you will usually get if you ask a woman who is with a less-than-desirable partner (IE an abusive piece of SHIT) when someone asks her the question, “Why are you with that guy anyway?” They say being with anyone wouldn’t feel “right.” It’s sad to think that a daily punch to the back of the head doesn’t feel “wrong!”

Let me just say this: if your heart makes you constantly pick men who beat you and/or your kids, MAYBE it’s time to get the head involved because your heart is NOT your friend; it’s clearly out to kill you.

In conclusion, I will say that I know it’s futile to expect one blog on the world wide web to make a difference. That’s like expecting water in Antarctica to warm up because you threw one tea kettle of hot water into it. So I can’t control what others do, but I can definitely control what *I* do. And what actions are at my fingertips? I can make a choice to not cling to such foolish and superficial beliefs, to realize there is a chance that you can fall in love with ANYONE, not just those where you put a check mark next to every item on some list of ridiculously long criteria.

You’ll NEVER meet someone who is the 100% ideal partner. But sometimes you may find someone who IS 90%. Hell, even if they are 75%, you are doing better than most.


About Steve Grogan

I am 40 years old, divorced, and a father of four kids. I am a practitioner of a self-defense system called wing chun kung fu. My other hobbies include writing, playing guitar, reading, watching movies, and listening to music. Recently I have gotten back into fitness, and this time I am DETERMINED to get the washboard abs...whether my metabolism will cooperate with me or not! The purpose of this blog is to write not only about my hobbies, but also about whatever crosses my mind, whether it is something I don't understand or something that aggravates me. So join me as I indulge my tendency to think too much about topics that don't usually cross anyone else's mind!
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