Please, people, do NOT once again miss the entire point of this blog. The stories I share are just supporting evidence of my main thesis, which is that an act as simple as telling someone you like them has been turned into a convoluted mess by the general population. THAT is the focus…not the specific examples themselves.
Last summer I became single again. Honestly, I didn’t wait too long (maybe a month) before I tried dating. I met this artsy woman who seemed to have a lot of the same thoughts and values I did, so I said, “We’re on the same wavelength so often. I like you.” Maybe a week later she said she was “uncomfortable” with the speed at which I was moving. (Because, you know…telling someone you like them when you met them THROUGH A DATING SITE is completely out of left field, isn’t it?) Shortly after that, we were done talking.
A few weeks later I got another woman’s number at a bar. My friend said, “Wait until Monday to contact her. You don’t want to look desperate or like you have too much free time.”
I went on a handful of other dates where I found myself having these paranoid thoughts: “Did I say too much? Too little? Was that joke offensive? Am I coming off as needy? Do they know I am censoring myself? If so, what do they think of that?”
And what was the most common thing that I would censor? Saying anything related to what I thought of them, ESPECIALLY if it involved any sentiment about liking them.
I don’t understand this. People say an admission like that scares them off for various reasons. It’s too intense/forward or, most bizarre of all, too “needy.” Forgive me, but how in the world does saying “I like you” translated to “I’m needy?” That makes no sense.
I do get the whole “too intense” thing. Saying you like them is just too honest, and most people can’t handle honesty. That’s because most people are spineless, cowardly, whiny little shits who prefer communicating through insinuation instead of actually SAYING something real.
I’m not the bravest person in the world, but if I go out on a date and there is no chemistry, I’ll say so instead of stringing people along. Unfortunately, most people aren’t like that. They somehow think it’s NICER to give someone false hope. (“Oh yeah, we’ll hang out again…just not sure when because I’m busy every night for the next FIVE YEARS!!!”)
Fuck that. As is often the case with a lot of my blogs lately, the conclusion I have reached here is that I can’t control what others do. All I can do is NOT be like that. Just continue being my honest self. Those who like it will stick around; those who don’t can take a hike.