Resisting the Pull of Negativity and Drama

Just the other day I posted something on Facebook about how writing out my wing chun training program made me realize that I was learning how to focus like a laser on what is important and what is not. It dawned on me that I could learn to apply this to ALL areas of my life. I could learn to cut out negative relationships and so on.

Well, no less than a few hours after that, a friend of mine made aware that there were some kind of negative comments being made about me in a Facebook group that shall remain nameless. My source said, “This young woman (whom I will simply call ‘A’ here) is posting things that she heard about you from someone else (another young woman, who we shall call ‘K’).” (If you think that sounds a little like middle school, don’t worry. You’re not crazy. I was thinking the exact same thing.)

At first I was asking my friend about these posts. I could not understand why K would say anything bad about me since I have not talked to her since last winter. He said, “Doesn’t seem to matter. They won’t stop until they have destroyed everyone.”

To the outside observer, that sentence will mean nothing. The Reader’s Digest version is that K and a handful of other people (some of whom used to be admins in the Facebook group) have been causing trouble for my friend. There was some sort of falling out between him and K. Now she has amassed some kind of army, formed a rival group, and has been raising hell for my friend.

At some point he mentioned something about getting an attorney involved because what these people said was slander. This piqued my curiosity to the point where I actually sent a request to join this “private” Facebook group so I could see what had been said about me.

He approved my request to join. I scanned the posts briefly but saw nothing about myself, and then…

I left the group.

I don’t know what it was, but my interest in finding the posts vanished in the blink of an eye. It’s probably because the following sentence floated through my mind: “I am being bashed in a group that I am not a part of, by people who I don’t talk to, and they are making me look bad to…MORE people I don’t talk to.”

I can’t explain it, but I suddenly realized I just didn’t give a damn what these people said about me. I mean, I haven’t talked to ANY of them since last winter. If they are that obsessed with me after not hearing a word from me since late 2014/early 2015, then all I can say is: DAMN, I must have had more of an impression on them than I thought!

I feel sorry for them, honestly. I mean, how can you be grown people with full-time jobs, bills to pay, mouths to feed, homes to maintain, and so on, but then still have time to engage in all this melodrama? It shows how empty their lives are. The sad thing is, they consider ME the loser, but I’m not the one who has the free time to cause all this trouble for other people!

In the past, I used to care what people thought of me. If they said negative things, it used to get to me and I wanted to know what I could do to change it. But yesterday…I looked inside myself and, upon imagining what they might be saying, it dawned on me that I could give less than a F***.

It was so FREEING. To really, truly, honestly, positively not give a damn.

There is only one thing that could bother me, and that is if they did something like give out my home address, cell phone number or email, or if they somehow tried to stir up trouble between my girlfriend and I. My girlfriend and I have six kids between us, and I don’t want them getting in the middle of the bull that these people are stirring up. Other than that, I am not concerned about them trying to “destroy” me. They can’t, because they have no power over me.

Some people might be tempted to say, “Steve, if they have no power over you, then why are you writing this?”

Fair enough, but my answer is: I have always used this blog as a vehicle to write about my observations on life, especially when I notice things about myself that have changed, whether they are for the better or worse.

This change happens to be one of the better ones.

Good bye, all you negative kings and melodrama queens. I’m not caught in your tractor beam anymore.


About Steve Grogan

I am 40 years old, divorced, and a father of four kids. I am a practitioner of a self-defense system called wing chun kung fu. My other hobbies include writing, playing guitar, reading, watching movies, and listening to music. Recently I have gotten back into fitness, and this time I am DETERMINED to get the washboard abs...whether my metabolism will cooperate with me or not! The purpose of this blog is to write not only about my hobbies, but also about whatever crosses my mind, whether it is something I don't understand or something that aggravates me. So join me as I indulge my tendency to think too much about topics that don't usually cross anyone else's mind!
This entry was posted in blog, bullying, confidence, family, insight, kung fu, lesson, life, observation, perseverance, personal development, rant, reflective and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Resisting the Pull of Negativity and Drama

  1. Grant Brown says:

    Awesome post brother. There are snobs in every artistic field …who knows why?

  2. Great post. This is a great example of what we should all remember when writing a blog post. Not everyone will like what we have to say. But, we need to remember that we need to like what we have to say and not worry about anyone else. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  3. Ken Dowell says:

    Sounds like middle-schoolers indeed. Although my middle-schooler doesn’t act like that. Can you imagine what it must be like to be someone who is more in the public eye and is getting commented on, and sometimes skewered, on social media regularly? I might just disconnect from all social networks.

    • wcman1976 says:

      It’s what happens when a social group is poorly run. I know of people who run similar groups and don’t face even HALF the melodrama of that group.

  4. Donna Janke says:

    It certainly does sound juvenile. Good for you getting out of that tractor beam!

  5. heraldmarty says:

    Sadly, there are days when I wonder if there aren’t more of ‘them’ than us. More and more news and magazine websites are shutting off comments because of the negativity. You gotta know it’s bad if even a feel-good place like TED Talks is not immune! I certainly agree with your point and refuse to waste my time bothering with negative or critical people.

  6. Phoenicia says:

    Sometimes refusing to converse with such people is the best way forward. Having an ongoing battle serves no purpose.

    You really need to have a thick skin these days, especially when sharing on social media.

    I am completely aware that not everyone will like my style of writing but expect that as adults we will treat one another with regard.

  7. emfoodcoach says:

    Good for you for not letting the drama get to you. I do feel bad for kids in school these days because this is what kids go through all the time. I volunteered for the event that helped girls build their self-esteem a couple of years ago. A 13 year old girl stood up and asked what she could do because her classmates had started a Facebook acount that was called I hate (her name, which I now forget) and it was all about why they hated her. Crazy.

  8. I always try to be supportive with my students in Judo and wrestling. I also am honest, telling them areas they need to correct or improve on.
    As for me, I will say negativity has always helped it. Being a nonathletic person, trying to an athlete was difficult.
    The negative thoughts I received, and there was a lot, was a fuel for my drive to me better. Every nasty attack on me drove me to become better, and more improved. I am not positive it is necessary to ignore bad comments and negativity, it is just what we do with them.

    • wcman1976 says:

      Telling someone where they need to correct is different than the kind of attacking and name smearing that has been happening to me. Am I a perfect person…the best person in the world that you will ever meet? No, but I am nowhere near what I’m told was being said in that group. I have no time for negative, hateful people. Why should I give a damn if they don’t think I’m “cool” enough to play in their reindeer games? They are other people who DO like me, so I choose to focus on them. That’s not to say I automatically discount every criticism tossed my way, but when that criticism is “he wears Abercrombie and Fitch instead of Tommy Hilfiger,” I have to be honest: that doesn’t carry much weight for me. Or if people like to mock me for having 4 kids by 3 women. That’s fine; I know it makes me an easy target, but at the end of the day…they didn’t walk in my shoes; they don’t know why something like that turned out the way it did. So if they can’t be bothered without finding out facts, then I can’t be bothered with their uninformed opinion of me.

  9. Even though I was the target of this nonsense in the last corporate job I had, I’m always shocked when I hear about “grown-ups” behaving this way. If all the negative energy was turned to good and positive things, what would happen to our world? Good for you for deciding to step away from it all!

    • wcman1976 says:

      Rose, thank you for your kind words. I think there is some kind of sadness these people have inside them, some kind of pain they don’t want to face. Instead, they turn it outward toward perceived “Easy targets” like me. It’s a classic case of people who make themselves feel better by tearing other people down.

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