Just the other day I posted something on Facebook about how writing out my wing chun training program made me realize that I was learning how to focus like a laser on what is important and what is not. It dawned on me that I could learn to apply this to ALL areas of my life. I could learn to cut out negative relationships and so on.
Well, no less than a few hours after that, a friend of mine made aware that there were some kind of negative comments being made about me in a Facebook group that shall remain nameless. My source said, “This young woman (whom I will simply call ‘A’ here) is posting things that she heard about you from someone else (another young woman, who we shall call ‘K’).” (If you think that sounds a little like middle school, don’t worry. You’re not crazy. I was thinking the exact same thing.)
At first I was asking my friend about these posts. I could not understand why K would say anything bad about me since I have not talked to her since last winter. He said, “Doesn’t seem to matter. They won’t stop until they have destroyed everyone.”
To the outside observer, that sentence will mean nothing. The Reader’s Digest version is that K and a handful of other people (some of whom used to be admins in the Facebook group) have been causing trouble for my friend. There was some sort of falling out between him and K. Now she has amassed some kind of army, formed a rival group, and has been raising hell for my friend.
At some point he mentioned something about getting an attorney involved because what these people said was slander. This piqued my curiosity to the point where I actually sent a request to join this “private” Facebook group so I could see what had been said about me.
He approved my request to join. I scanned the posts briefly but saw nothing about myself, and then…
I left the group.
I don’t know what it was, but my interest in finding the posts vanished in the blink of an eye. It’s probably because the following sentence floated through my mind: “I am being bashed in a group that I am not a part of, by people who I don’t talk to, and they are making me look bad to…MORE people I don’t talk to.”
I can’t explain it, but I suddenly realized I just didn’t give a damn what these people said about me. I mean, I haven’t talked to ANY of them since last winter. If they are that obsessed with me after not hearing a word from me since late 2014/early 2015, then all I can say is: DAMN, I must have had more of an impression on them than I thought!
I feel sorry for them, honestly. I mean, how can you be grown people with full-time jobs, bills to pay, mouths to feed, homes to maintain, and so on, but then still have time to engage in all this melodrama? It shows how empty their lives are. The sad thing is, they consider ME the loser, but I’m not the one who has the free time to cause all this trouble for other people!
In the past, I used to care what people thought of me. If they said negative things, it used to get to me and I wanted to know what I could do to change it. But yesterday…I looked inside myself and, upon imagining what they might be saying, it dawned on me that I could give less than a F***.
It was so FREEING. To really, truly, honestly, positively not give a damn.
There is only one thing that could bother me, and that is if they did something like give out my home address, cell phone number or email, or if they somehow tried to stir up trouble between my girlfriend and I. My girlfriend and I have six kids between us, and I don’t want them getting in the middle of the bull that these people are stirring up. Other than that, I am not concerned about them trying to “destroy” me. They can’t, because they have no power over me.
Some people might be tempted to say, “Steve, if they have no power over you, then why are you writing this?”
Fair enough, but my answer is: I have always used this blog as a vehicle to write about my observations on life, especially when I notice things about myself that have changed, whether they are for the better or worse.
This change happens to be one of the better ones.
Good bye, all you negative kings and melodrama queens. I’m not caught in your tractor beam anymore.